Hanging up the apron...

You know how if you have a pot on the stove and it's about to boil over, and just before it does, you uncover it and it calms back down. But if you leave it covered it gets to the point of boiling over again cause u really need to cut the heat? So I'm more likely to vent the lid a crack rather than just turn the heat off. And venting the lid just doesn't cut it. I need to turn off the heat. Just cut it off all together cause all it does is make the pot boil over, and the pot has been cooking for a while now. The food has been done a long time. To continue to cook it would be pointless because all that's going to be left is some burnt up food and a big ol mess. I probably need to just get out the kitchen all together. I should just go order some take out or throw something in the microwave. That really might be about all I'm good for.

But on the other hand, I kinda like the idea of cooking. I wanna cook. I just don't think I'm any good at it. I did read this one cook book one time. I never tried any of the recipes though. I don't even know if I had the right ingredients. At any rate, I think I'm done cooking for a while. Anything more than making a sandwich is too much for me.

CSD - Day 6 and 7

I didn't do CSD these days. I had had enough. I just wanted a sandwich, so I ate one. No more CSD for me.

CSD - Day 5

MEAT!!! Finally! Today I get steak and even though I'm not a big steak/beef person, I surely did have a piece of steak this morning. That was over an hour and a half ago and I'm still full. I bought a steak yesterday that was just under a pound and marinated it over night in soy sauce, hoisin sauce, steak seasoning, garlic, green onions and spicy mustard. Took about a third of it, which was more than enough and stuck it under the broiler this morning. Had some soup with it. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Definitely need to catch up on my water though. I'm also supposed to eat tomatoes. Not sure how I'mma do that one tho. I'll have to figure something out for lunch.

I'm sitting here looking at the diet and I just don't know if I'mma lose any more weight in these last 3 days. I'll probably have to hit the gym and do a real workout rather than sitting in the house.

CSD - Day 3 and 4

Yesterday was day 3 fruits n veggies. I cheated. That's all I'mma say about that. Moving on. Today is day 4, banana's and skim milk. I think I can make it til the end without cheating now that I got it out of my system. Not only that but I get to have meat tomorrow and on day 6 so that will really help. It's not even that I'm craving sweets which is a surprise cause that's my weakness. I just want some MEAT! I went to the grocery store today and bought a steak for tomorrow. Which reminds me I need to make sure I season it tonight. To be honest though, I don't even really want a steak. I think I would rather have fish or chicken. But I'll eat the steak. I haven't had steak in a while. I get to have steak tomorrow too, but I'll probably do fish.

I've had 2 bananas today and am on my second serving of soup. It actually tastes pretty good to me too. I think it's because I haven't been eating it all day every day. Just a few times a day. Oh and I've lost about 3 lbs so far, even with what I ate yesterday. If I can lose 3 or 4 more, that would be great. I know I'm not losing any real weight, but what this diet is doing is getting my appetite and unreasonable food cravings under control. That's probably the most important part. The goal is to get myself to a place where I won't OD on Thursday which is Thanksgiving. I'll be going over LB's house and then I'll probably swing by my grandma's too (I say that like they live near eachother).

Looking forward to my steak tomorrow. I really want a baked potato though. the one I had on Friday was REALLY good. I think if I could, I would trade the steak for the potato.

That's about it for now.

CSD - Day 2

Today is probably one of the worst days of CSD for me... the VEGGIE day (insert ominous music here). Just soup and veggies. I'm not a big veggie person so for me it will just be soup. Not only that, I didn't buy any veggies to eat today at the store and I'm not going back. On the plus side though I do get a baked potato which I'm really looking forward to. So much so that I already washed and wrapped it in foil and placed it in the toaster oven ready and waiting to be baked. I get to load it up with butter (within reason) and I plan to put lots of low fat sour cream on it. May not be part of the diet, but I don't care. It's low fat, I'm already eating butter and the potato is nothing but carbs so what's a little more of both? I got up and worked out today too. I'm not tired, and I'm not even really hungry. Sitting here eating my soup for breakfast though. It doesn't even taste that bad to me today. I did sorta cheat this morning during my workout and had a zipfizz. It's only 10 calories though so I could probably sneeze and burn that off.

12:20 pm - Stupid, stupid, stupid potato! It's been baking for an HOUR and isn't even CLOSE to being done. I am STARVING!!! Someone please tell my potato to hurry the hell up. 

CSD - Day 1

Lately I've been having a really hard time getting my weight back under control. With the holidays right around the corner and the fact that I decided to do probably the single worst thing I could ever do to myself with regards to my weight - go home - I decided some drastic measures were in order. So I went to the grocery store last night and bought all of the ingredients that I needed to start the Cabbage soup diet today.

I did this diet once before years ago with LB and I already know it's death. I'm sure I'll be sick of the soup by day 3. I might already be sick of it now and I've only had a little bit. It's not even 9 am and I'm already starving. I also plan to try and work out every day. Probably not the best idea, but I'm going to try anyway. I'm going to try and do one post a day and just document how I feel throughout the day. So just fruit and soup today. Oh and I did an initial wt - 135 WHEW! Need to drop 10-15 lbs Whelp, here goes!

8:40 am - Just finished the little bit of soup I had dished out probably an hour ago. I'm starving and dizzy. I don't want any soup. I think I'll go drink some water =/

11:30 am - Still starving even though I drank some water and ate an apple. I'm having some more soup. We'll see how long it takes me to finish this serving. I almost cheated though cause I really really want some peanut butter (of all things right?) And I mean I just started, so what's one little cheat on day 1? Totally the wrong mindset to have, I know. I just need to keep myself busy and my mind on things other than food. I had planned to work out this afternoon, but all I really want to do is take a nap.

12:30 pm - Somebody kill me now. Just woke up from a nap. I think i feel a headache coming on. I wonder if this is all in my head tho. I go longer than this on a Saturday without eating a thing and it doesn't bother me a bit. AAALLL that food I ate yesterday shouldda been able to hold me over. It's gotta be mental. Can't be anything else. Ok, off to the store to buy some fruit. I'm sure that will help.

7:30 pm - I pretty much made it through the day. I just came from the mall and was in here trying on clothes trying to find something to wear to this concert tomorrow. Nothing fits. I look like a beached manatee. Makes me not want to even eat. Totally depressed and don't feel like going to the concert either. Well I'll go to the concert, but maybe I'll skip the club. idk, just not in the mood to do much of anything at the moment. I hate everything right now. Skipping dinner, I'm going to sleep.

When's the last round?

I think I may have had an epiphany this morning. Ok, epiphany might be a bit of a strong word but I did realize something. I was sitting, well standing, in the doorway of my guest bathroom after just weighing myself. I was trying to figure out when I'm going to start myself on a new workout schedule. Then I started to think, how many times have I been here? Probably too many times to count. I know I started back when I was in high school. There was a class trip coming up and I wanted  to wear this little mid drift top I had bought without my mother knowing. I probably lost weight by starving myself since that is what is popular among teenage girls. At any rate I rocked my little shirt and thought I was 2 cute. Eventually I gained the weight back tho. So that I'd say was round 1.

Round 2 was college and the damn freshman 15. I lost that and then some, again by starving myself and working out twice a day. I must say, when I look back at pics from that time I looked almost sick. I was way to little. But clearly I didn't feel that way at the time. Definitely don't want to go back though. I know I must've had a another relapse at some point during college (always do) and subsequently felt the need to lose a bunch of weight again. We'll call that round 3.

4, 5 and 6+ Have been since I moved to Tucson. Not even sure how many times I've yo-yo'd since I've been out here, but at least 3 or 4 times. But basically I have been trying to lose the same 10 - 25 lbs since I was in high school. Maybe not the exact same, but my point is it's been 12 years and I still have made no progress. In fact if I think about myself 12 yrs ago and now I've actually made, um... what's the opposite of progress? Congress? (A lil election day humor)

I came to realize this this morning because for some reason I was looking around at all the fitness paraphernalia I have in the house. I felt the need to try and calculate how much I've spent over the past 6 years. Why you may or may not be asking? Because I was about to order some more crap online and I was asking myself is this really a justified purchase? Is this going to be the one thing that does it? After I buy this one laaaaast item, I'll be in shape for the rest of my life? OF COURSE NOT! If I include gym memberships with all the crap sitting around my house I've spent over 3g's trying to lose the same weight. 3 g's!! and I have NOTHING to show for it. This is probably why the fitness industry makes so much money, because of people like me (smh, they got me good).

I have been throwing money at a problem all these years like that's going to solve it. I've got so much crap idk if I can even name it all. On top of my gym membership there is P90X, Insanity, Turbo Jam, Turbo Fire, Chalean Extreme,  an exercise pole, Fluidity, resistance bands, yoga mat, a couple of hand weights, ankle and wrist weights, a chin up bar a $400 blender for goodness sakes!! A BLENDER!!! WTF?!?! When does it end?

That's it! I'm not spending ANY MORE MONEY on fitness crap. I AM DONE! (after I buy this one last thing then I'm done). Seriously though. I probably need to look into a change in life style if getting in shape is what I really want. Once I change my mind, my life style and my relationship with food. that's when it ends I guess. And all that is free.  I am getting way too old to be out of shape. If I don't do something now, I might as well just give up and get fat. Why postpone the inevitable, right?

Where's my baby powder?

I might be on the verge of slapping the isht out of someone if they don't stop talking nonsense. If it's a joke, then it might be funny to someone, but not me. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for those type of jokes or whatever. More likely I'm too far like WTF at the comment to even laugh or think in a joking sense, but it's really starting to get annoying. I don't really think it's a joke tho cause I feel like if I were to agree with the nonsense, they would be all for it instead of laughing it off. Clearly any agreement on my behalf would be in jest, but I bet I'd get a text talkin bout where are you like they thought I was serious. Someone once used the term "levels of friendship"... Yeah, I have those. People need to recognize their position and stop trying to jump like 3 and 4 levels. And maybe it's more types of friendship than levels, idk, but I'm highly annoyed.

There are certain types of people that I can only take in small doses for one reason or another. Others I can handle more and then there are the few that I don't really have a limit on. Now I know that the root of my problem ultimately is me. It's always me. I have a problem (well several). I recognize that and I do my best to manage them. But there are some ppl that just make it very difficult.

So let me tell you some of the bull isht this fool said. And let's pretend it is a joke. You tell me if it's funny. Ok, what GROWN person says to another GROWN person, "let's fall asleep on the phone together" !?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!?! WHO SAYS THAT?! Are we in middle school? Are you the boo? (if u were, ,u wouldn't be very long saying isht like that) I don't even think I EVER had anyone come out their mouth and say that to me. Not even in middle school. Who PLANS to fall asleep on the phone? If I'm sleepy I'mma get my ass off the phone and go to bed. BYE! And if I'm really that sleepy, I won't be on the phone to begin with.

Now let's pretend I took that statement as a joke. I'd prolly be like yea, lemme just get my footed pajams on and my teddy bear and I'll be ready. I go to bed and I bet wake up the next morning with 3 missed calls and a couple txt msgs talkin bout what happened.

The latest episode of ridiculousness was when the subject of a movie marathon came up. And to be honest that isn't all the way out of order. A movie night is a fairly reasonable request. Keeping in mind we are 2 grown ass people, this is where it gets unreasonable...  "Bring your clothes" !!!!! ( ( ( o_O ) ) ) !!!!! If that's not a WTF moment, idk what is. Like I said, I do have a problem, so if  I'm the one that is crazy someone please tell me. But I'm not going to premeditate spending the night over ANYONE's house for no reason unless you are the boo, it's a girl's night/slumber party type event or I'm out of town. That's it. And quite frankly even if it was NOT premeditated there would have to be an extenuating circumstance for me to even think about staying. For example, I'm too drunk to drive, or too I'm sleepy and live too far to stay awake for me to make it home

So now tell me. Is it me? Am I being too sensitive? Do I have no sense of humor? Or is this person talking crazy? I'm willing to take part of the blame, I really am. I know I have a problem and I am working on it. But I swear, it can't all be me, just can't be. I refuse to believe. Somebody please let me know.

It's been a while...

See this is just like me. Start something and don't keep up with it. Geez Louise! it's been over  a MONTH! Ok, so what I'mma talk about? Mmmmmm... let's start with what I been up to (this should be quick)... shit. Next! Hehehe, just kidding, but not really. Oh! That's what I did do. I ran an 8K this past Sunday! (clap for me) Yeah, I'm still feelin today. Really didn't think I was gonna run the whole thing. All I kept thinking the whole time was when I was going to start walking. Then as I got further along and kept passing those mile markers, it was I just might be able to make it the whole way. I didn't do it in the time I wanted, but I was pretty close. I think I'm bout to get fat though cause now that the run is over I don't want to work out any more... Might need an intervention. And shout out to my supporters that came out and took some horrific pictures of me, LBizzle and 2ce. If I EVER see those pics posted ANYWHERE we might have to re-evaluate our friendship.... now on to the next one.

I'm sittin here at work, supposed to be working, but I'm chattin it up with one of my friends from school. He just told me that a stripper gave him her phone number. Ummmmm, ok. Not really sure what that means. What does that mean? Is it acceptable to take a stripper's number and actually USE it? And if you do use it, what are you calling for? Seriously. I can understand if you're some grimey ass ninja that doesn't mind infinite amounts of residue on his chicks. And if u callin her for a job, ok. I get that. Now maybe I'm a lil bias cause I have been to the strip club out here with some of my male friends and I can't say that I have ever heard any of them say they would take one home. Can't comment on the caliber of stripper my friend was dealing with, but I mean she's still a stripper. And yes, strippers are people too, but they're still strippers. There are all kinds of stigmas attached to them, but that may be acceptable for some guys.  It might be a state of famine out there for all I know. Could be something like Tucson. I wonder if anyone I know would date a stripper. Actual stripper too, not a former one. And under what conditions, if any? Maybe I can get that as a topic on one of the Upper Echelon shows. Man, this fool just said there is a lot of money in pimpin strippers... LOL. Sounds like he might be looking into a career change. Well if so then I support him, long as he doesn't try to offer me a job. That might be another friendship I'd have to re-evaluate if he did.

Ok, it's quittin time. Ciao 4 now!

An ounce of prevention...

I'll first start off by saying that as far as I know, there really is nothing physically wrong with me (mentally might be another issue, but I'm not going there today). That being said, sometimes I look around and I see people, some friends, some family members who have various types of medical or physical conditions and I wonder if that could be me one day. Whether it be high blood pressure, high cholesterol, over weight, cancer, limited physical ability etc. I ask myself how much of that is preventable? I know they weren't always like that so how did it get all the way there?

I understand that some things are genetic and maybe that is where some of my concern comes from. I have... well had an aunt. My father's sister. She was about my height and weighed easily over 200 lbs. She died in her 40's and was overweight pretty much as far back as I can remember her. Then there is my mother. She was a toothpick when I was growing up. So when I look at the women in my family I feel like physically I probably take more after my father's side and that makes me nervous. I love food (to the point where it's probably a problem)  but I have a fear of getting fat cause I don't wanna die in my 40's.

I think I gain weight about three times faster than I'm able to lose it and I expect that won't get much better the older I get. A couple years ago I was close to 150, the heaviest I had ever been. I was absolutely miserable. None of my clothes fit. I wore the same 2 pair of pants to work every day because I refused to buy anything new in bigger sizes. I got winded going up the stairs. I couldn't say no to anything food. It was pretty bad. Then one day I realized that if I kept going at the rate I was even tho I wasn't fat yet I definitely would be really soon.

Now that I have this mile stone b-day looming over me I'm on this whole prevention kick. Supposedly it's all down hill from here but I'm really hoping that's not true. I have been battling my weight since I was in high school and if the fight were to end today I'd have to say I lose. But I really want to try and get this thing under control by April. So I have a little less than 7 months. I want to say I'm never going back to being 150, but I had said that before the last time I gained weight and got close to 140. Seems like every time I gain a lot of weight I gain more than I did the time before. Definitely not a good pattern to fall into.

I'm trying to set some short term attainable goals for myself. The first one being this 8k in a week and a half. After that maybe I'll try a 10k or perhaps I'll try and do one of those 60 or 90 day type of fitness programs. I'm thinking Chalean Extreme. I have Insanity and P90X and I don't really do either of them. I also need to find a workout buddy cause that would make things soooooo much easier. All the people I have tried to work out with up til now have not been able to stay consistent and I feel that consistency is the most important thing when it comes to working out.

Well we'll see how it goes.

Cherry flavored yogurt covered pretzles

Ever discover something that had been there for a while and wonder why you had never found it before? Makes me wonder what the heck I've been doing all this time. Was right in front of my face, all I had to do was take a look around. Well first I had to go inside and in order for that to happen, I had to change my thinking.... Sounds deeper than it is, or isn't it?

This weekend I was feeling like breaking out the ol crock pot and trying a recipe from one of the cook books that I have collecting dust in my living room. Not real sure how it's gonna come out, but I'mma find out in another 5 hrs or so. At any rate, the recipe called for fennel and I figured the regular grocery store would carry it. I figured wrong.

Near my house there is this sorta alternative type grocery store, least that's how I think of it, called sunflower market. I NEVER shop in there and idk why. I kinda thought it was all wholesome earthy crunchy and couldn't possibly have anything decent that I couldn't get at my regular store. Plus since I'm not a health nut, what do I need to shop there for? But yesterday when I needed some fennel, that was the first place I thought of. Funny that place has been there for YEARS and I have even gone in. But I never really shopped or even took the time to look around.

Yesterday while I was in there I actually stopped and really looked around that place. And not only are their prices reasonable on their produce, but it actually looks BETTER than the produce at the place I normally shop. And they had all kinds of neat stuff like oats in these big barrels that u can scoop out yourself and a little bulk self serve candy/snack section. It kinda reminded me of a combination of 2 places from back home. It had that fresh produce store smell but wasn't dirty looking like the one from home. Then it also sorta looked a little like a whole foods type of store.

But back to the point of this story... While I was in the snack section i saw these  yogurt covered pretzels. some were plain and some were cherry and they also had chocolate. It kinda reminded me of the ones I had at work over in LB's office. So I decided to get some of the cherry flavored yogurt covered ones. It really wasn't what I had gone in there for, but I thought what the heck, why not?

!!!!! WHAT !!!!!! let me tell u those things were soooo tasty i almost made myself sick trying to eat them all. Granted I was starving, but still. They were sweet and salty, creamy and crunchy. They were the perfect snack and just might be my new fav. I never wouldda expected to find such a tasty treat in a place such as that. I was quite surprised and really glad I stopped.

So the moral of the story is just because you see something all the time doesn't mean you know everything it has to offer. Stop and smell the roses. Take time to really take a look around and you just might find some cherry flavored yogurt covered pretzels too!

For shit's sake

That might be my only motivation sometimes... nothing at all. I do shit just for shit's sake. Because I can. Not because I should or shouldn't or even care which. Just cause. I mean why not? Although even if I ask myself that question I can usually come up with at least one reason if not more. Does that stop me? Nope! And sometimes I already know how the story ends before it begins. Why? Cause not only did I read the book, I couldda written it. Been there done that. But does that stop me? Nope! It's like I have to prove myself right, or see if maybe this time for once I could be wrong. Now I think I understand why people don't listen to reason. Yeah they hear it and it makes perfect sense. But it's like, eh... so what. Let's just see how it goes. What's the worst that could happen if I'm right? The exact expected outcome... big whoop, no surprise there right?  It's just another one on the pile. Suck up the L or whatever and keep it moving. On the other hand, what's the best that could happen if I'm wrong? (huh, might be getting somewhere)

Lately I've been feeling kinda bad, sorta guilty about something and I haven't even done anything. Sometimes i wish I were a little more immoral then I wouldn't feel guilt. Like this one time I was in Dillards and I saw this girl stealing. The store clerk was checking me out and this chick just walked past behind her with all these bulges in her clothes cause she had just stuffed her pants in the dressing room. I wanted to say something SO BAD, but that's not me (thou shalt not snitch, the 11th commandment) and wouldda felt bad if I did. But even when I kept my mouth shut I still ended up feeling bad. I actually had to call up one of my friends to make sure I did the right thing. Can't win for losing I tell ya. 

But in this case I feel like I've been here before and I already know what happens. It's like watching the remake of the Karate Kid. Sure the characters are different, but no one is surprised when Jayden kicks butt at the end and wins the tournament. And having this knowledge and sitting back, not doing anything to allow the seemingly inevitable to happen may be what is getting to me. I wonder if just the thought and expectation of a certain outcome is what will make it turn out that way. Isn't that what the Secret is about? Hmmm, might need to read that book next. Ok, so if everything ALWAYS turns out EXACTLY as I suspect, then there really is no point in doing anything right? (this almost feels like progress) If I really truly believe that i'm right and that there isn't an ice cube's chance in hell that I'm wrong then that should be good enough reason when I ask myself "why not?" BUT! If ,on the ever so slim chance that I'm wrong (which is rare, but it happens), and this is one of those stories with an strange twist in the middle that leads to the unpredicted... then what? Ummm... idk. Pffft! see I haven't even got a clue. It's the unknown and I think I might just be a little curious. Is curiosity enough reason for a slim chance tho? Or is just the fact that there is a chance, no matter how slim reason enough? Even if it is, is that my reason? Or is it still just cause? And why am I asking so many questions? Was that just another question? Ok, back to statements... that is all.

Not getting any younger.

It seems like the harder I try to get in shape the harder it is to work out. Not even on some, will I make it to the gym or have the motivation to work out, type of hard. More like, will my knees hold out til the end of this run or if I get down on this floor, will I be able to get back up on my own. WHEW! I just don't know what to do. I was good not too long ago and now all of a sudden I'm falling apart. I'm thinking, maybe I need to take a break. But a break might be how I got here in the first place.

Yesterday was the first day of this 8k in 8 weeks group that I joined. They had us running two sets of 10 minute jogs with a 3 min rest in between. I had a feeling that I would be bringing up the rear but I didn't think I wouldn't even be able to run the entire 20 minutes. Part of it may be my fault cause I forgot my knee straps. And part of the problem could be that LB and I ran pretty hard on Saturday. Every other day jogging might be a bit much.

It shouldn't be though. I was watching tv on Sunday and they had his show on about the IronMan. That might be the ultimate triathlon. A 2 mile swim and 120+ mile bike followed by a full marathon run. So I'm sitting on my fat ass, in my living room, on the couch feeling like poor me, I can't run. All the while in front of me on tv they have 79 yr olds, biggest losers and even a dude with NO LEGS doing the iron man!!! So what's my excuse now and why am I complaining? Exactly. Even in the 8k group there is a girl with a limp because she has one leg that's smaller than the other. She out jogged me. Probably didn't even break a sweat. It's crazy cause I feel like 2 months ago I was in so much better shape. I just don't know what happened.

I do know that I'm not getting any younger. Not working out really isn't an option. Neither is eating a whole bunch of junk. Got to do better if I wanna be able to keep up.

On a side note and completely unrelated subject. I made pizza this weekend. Got the idea from LB. It actually came out pretty decent and I didn't even have to cook anything. All I had to do was buy some dough and toppings. Then put it all together with some Prego and throw it on the grill. Will definitely be trying that one again.

two down, two to go

It has been a rough two weeks. Rough in the sense that I have not been able to buy anything other than food and gas and it's KILLING me! My only reprieve has been a couple of loop holes that I have found in the system. And thank God for them. Had to pat myself on the back for these too. It was almost like I won something. So the first one was about a week ago. I was out shopping (more like browsing since I couldn't buy anything) with LBizzle. She was looking for some new running shoes. I needed some too because I had, on impulse, bought these really crappy ones prior to going on vacation and they tore the back of my foot up to the point I couldn't even wear shoes that went around my ankle. Anywho, we're up in Performance Footwear and she's looking at these running shoes. I'm thinking, I really want some too, maybe I'll just get fitted and then when I can spend money I'll come back and get them. So I find these sneakers I like and not only were they super comfy, but they were ON SALE!! CRAP! I can't pass up a deal on something I NEED! That just wouldn't make sense. But when the girl told me how much the sneakers were I almost did a happy dance right there in the store. They were the EXACT same price as the crappy sneakers I had purchased 3 weeks earlier. I say almost cause I wasn't sure if I'd be able to return the other sneakers since I had already worn them. Here's hoping.. *swipes Amex*. Surely the next day I was over at Famous Footwear taking those pieces of crap back. I think I prayed right before hand too. It worked! Ok, now it's happy dance time....

So yeah, I bought some brand new running shoes and didn't spend a dime *pats self on back*. The second event happened this weekend. Now this wasn't something that I needed, more so wanted for a while and just couldn't convince myself to spend the $50 on it. Since I wasn't buying stuff or going out to eat and all that, I had been super bored the past couple weekends. Especially since my so called 'friend' who I thought was gonna call me to kick it didn't even so much as shoot me a text or answer my phone calls the weekend before. I decided to play my wii since that was free  and I really didn't have isht else to do but read or watch tv and I already had enough of that. Problem though... no batteries in the remotes, no batteries in the house. Frick on a stick! Then I remembered I had gotten a gift certificate to Wallyworld for my birthday that I never spent. For some reason I had it in my head that it had maybe $25 on it. That's cool, get some batteries for the wii and some 9v's for my chirping smoke detector and I'll be straight. I get to the register and hand over the gift certificate. Total came to $27 and change. As I'm reaching in my wallet to get out an extra $2 I look up at the display and it doesn't say that I owe anything (??!!??!?!?). The girl hands me the card back and tells me I have $72 left!!!! In my head I could hear RSVP belt out PROVIIIIIDER!! I shall not want I tell ya. I left there doing happy dance number 2 trying to think how I'mma spend my new found wealth. Was like I had just hit the lotto. Didn't know what to do with myself.

The very next day I was back up in Wallyworld over in the video game section where I see Mario Kart. Hmmm, don't mind if I do! Mighta been kickin my heels as I left. I really can't say that I wasn't. Now I say all this to say what? Well I've learned a few things. 1.) I love free, but not as much as I like new stuff. Doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't even have to be expensive. I just like new things. Could be the A.D.D. in me, I don't know. But to get new stuff for free might be the best thing ever. 2. ) a lot of the little things that I spend money on are so unnecessary. If I would just stop and think about what I'm buying, and compare that with how much I've already spend and take into consideration other things I want to do, I just might leave it in the store. 3.) eating out all the time is a HUGE waste of money. I already knew this, but I was just acting like I didn't. 4.) I can save a lot of money by not drinking.I plan on sticking to my no liquor til vegas kick. I have made an exception for wine tho. Long as it's stuff I already have in the house.

I'm not gonna sit here and act like I have changed my ways and done a complete 180. But I am definitely going to do better after this last two weeks of punishment is over. 13 days to go!

I don't like to talk about ppl

I'm going to try and keep this to factual events and things that I would say to this person in person so I won't feel like I hope they never read this. Granted I only have one follower, but hey, you never know who is reading.

I'm going to start off by saying that I know I have a problem. I acknowledge that I have a low tolerance for people in general and that almost everyone will get on my nerves at some point or another for no real reason.I would never consider myself a people person and it amazes me I have any friends at all sometimes. Not sure how they put up with me and my moodiness. But I say that to say I know that part of this is me. That being said...

I cannot remember the last time my nerves were ever so trampled. Maybe in my old age I'm becoming even less tolerant than I was when I was younger. But whatever the reason is I have GOT to find a solution before I go crazy. Perhaps I need to take deep breaths or Wooo Saaah or something. I don't know, but I'm reaching my limit and I don't think being passive is going to solve anything.

Here's the situation. A certain individual, I'll refer to them as PM, has decided to dub me their new friend. If that's how PM feels, that's fine. But here is where I am struggling. PM calls me almost every day trying to hang out, come over or do something. Usually multiple times in that day. Most of the calls are missed calls. What I don't understand is 1.) if you call me say at 5:00 an no one picks up, then turn around and call at 5:06, still no answer. Then I get yet another missed call 30 minutes later, why then do you call a 4th time?!?! Just like PM and everyone else with a cell phone I do have caller id. If you call and I don't answer the first or second time, then you are supposed to wait for a call back. I think that is a general rule of cell phone etiquette (gotta be written down somewhere. Might have to find it). Not only that, but if there is something you really want to say so badly that you feel you gotta KEEP calling, they why not just text it to me? I will read a text loooooooong before I ever pick up the phone to call someone back. And 2.) Why u keep callin when you either don't want nothin, or I have already responded to what u callin me about.

Let's take yesterday for example, I got a call at 4:44, 4:48, 6:09 and 6:32 pm - all missed calls. Then I get a text. Finally PM realizes calling isn't getting anything accomplished. Around 7, PM text me about playing some pool or watching a movie. I think I talked to PM at some point prior to the txt msg though because originally the plan was to go play mini golf and I do recall speaking to PM. However whatever we were doing would be after PM got out of the spa or something like that. I'm like by the time u get out the spa i'mma be ready for bed. I get another call at 8:33 pm and this one I decide to pick up. PM asks me what I'm doing and I say I'm eating desert and then I'mma get ready for bed (imagine that!!). We have a small conversation in which at one point I say I'm going to block PM's number from my phone. Clearly PM though it was a joke, and it kinda was and kinda wasn't. Now I figure that since I said I'm bout to go get ready for bed, that was a clear indication that I'm done for the night. So I didn't expect my phone to be ringing any more. Even still I figured I'd try something out. I went on GoogleVoice and blocked the number anyway. Now since PM doesn't call my GV#, just my cell, I wasn't sure what would happen after I blocked it and got a call. I thought of txting LB to see if I could try it on her, but then I figured I'd just test it in the morning. I then turned the ringer off my phone just in case and laid out on the couch.

I prolly woke up a couple hours later and I decided to check my phone. Wouldn'tcha know I had 4 missed calls! The first one came at 9:51 and the last one was at 10:51. 3 showed up as from PM and the 4th was a private number but I suspect that was PM too. Not only that but I also had a txt asking what was wrong with my phone!!!

Shiiiiiid! I'll tell u what's wrong with my phone, YOU KEEP CALLING!!! WHEW! That's what I was thinking anyway. I still have no idea what this fool was calling me about at 10pm AFTER I ALREADY SAID I WAS GOING TO SLEEP!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?! GET OFF MY PHONE!!! 

It's only been about 3 weeks that I have been dealing with this, but it seems like for ever. Every week at least twice a week if not more I get a call asking to either go to see a movie, grab something to eat, ask me if I'm cooking or to just hang out at my place. The first two I don't really have a problem with so much. Only thing is I been trying to save money lately so I have pretty much cut out almost all restaurant dining and movies. But then PM offers to pay and takes away my excuse. I don't really like PM paying for everything because I feel like I'm being bought and my friendship is not for sale. But then it's like if I don't say yes, PM just keeps asking and asking and asking, until I do which is why I don't answer the phone. So I guess part of that is my fault for not sticking to my no's and I need to do that more often. But with the second 2, I do have a problem with people inviting themselves over especially if they don't usually come over or have an open invitation. There are certain ppl who can pretty much swing by whenever, long as they give me a heads up, I don't mind at all. but these people can do that cause they ASK FIRST. PM never asks. PM tries to tell me I'm cooking or that my place is going to be their hang out spot. It's never do you mind if I come over for a little while and watch a movie. Then I might say yes...might.

Ok, I think I've vented enough. I'm going to get a little break because PM will be out of town. Hopefully I'll come up with a solution during this time.

Can't do nothin nice...

A friend of mine asked me to give them a ride to a job interview today. I was working from home and could squeeze it into my lunch, so I figured, sure why not. I'm a nice person. I help my friends out when I can. That being said, I still feel a certain way about doing favors for people. I don't mind doing someone a favor. I'm happy to help out when I can because I consider myself fortunate to even be able to help them out. At the same time, I don't like it when people take advantage of the fact that I'm helping them out and are disrespectful in the process. Just makes me not want to do anything for them ever again.

When someone is doing me a favor, I try to make it as easy and convenient for them as possible because they are going out of their way to help me out. I try to be where I tell them I'm going to be when I say I'm going to be there and ready and if I'm not going to make it, then I do my best to let them know in advance. I hate when people waste my time and I really truly despise with every fiber of my being waiting around on people when I hadn't planned on it and this is why. When it comes to my time, it's just that MINE. I should be able to decide how I spend it as I see fit. It drives me up the wall when other people take that decision away from me. It's like, who are you and what makes your time so much more important than mine? It's really a form of arrogance on top of being extremely disrespectful. How would you like it if I reached in your pocket, took $20 and used to buy myself some dinner? I didn't even bother to ask if you might have been planning to use that $20 for something or offer you some of my food at the very least while I'm sittin here eating it in your face. Just disregarded you all together. Disrespectful right? Well, it's practically the same thing, difference is, you can get money back.

So back to my story. I bring this individual to their job interview and they ask me to wait a minute while they go inside. I assume it's to try and make sure its the right place and all that before I drive off. Cool, no biggie. I wait. They come back out and tell me they just have to fill out some paper work so it's not really an interview. Say it will just take 5 minutes. Cool, no biggie. I wait. I wait 5 min. then 10 min, then 18 minutes.... WTF?!?!? Needless to say I was quite irritated. I go in (mind you the door is only a few yards from the car) and see this person sitting down filling out some paper work. In my mind I'm a little perplexed. Now they tell me they are almost done, another 5 minutes. (!!!???!!!) Really? so another 20 is what you are saying? Course I didn't say that. I left, hopped in my car and went to subway. I was actually considering not going back, that's how through I was. But I figured at the very least they could sit there and wait just for me like I had to. 

So how could this situation played out differently and not left me feeling like I have to think twice about ever doing this person a favor ever again? It's actually quite simple. After 5 minutes, or even 10 minutes, they could have taken 30 seconds to come out to the car and tell me it was going to take a little longer. Then LET ME DECIDE if I want to wait or if I need to go.  Granted, they may have had to take the bus home, but that was the plan from the beginning. But at least they would not have been disrespectful.

The sad part is I don't even feel like I can say anything to this person, because I know they won't understand how they were disrespectful or what they could have done differently. All I would get is excuses as to why they didn't and that would piss me off even more... So I have to blog about it.

Happy Birthday!

Yeah, I'm not gon make it till Saturday. This week is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I still have Thursday AND Friday to get through?! WHEW! The whole shake thing is definitely not going to work. And I was ok with that cause I figured I'd cook these chicken breasts that I saw I had in my freezer when I was scavenging for food last night. That's healthy right? Mmmmm, maybe not. Not when the chicken is about to have a birthday. It's so freezer burned it might actually be cooked. I guess it had been in there a little longer than I thought. I'm not sure what the freezer shelf life of chicken breasts is, but I'm pretty certain it's not an entire year. And it's not like I haven't made chicken in the past year, so why the hell did I never cook it? Just another one of those things that I do that doesn't make any sense, yet I do it anyway... smh.

Maybe I'll go to bible study tonight. I haven't been in a while. That will be my excuse for not going to the gym.

Running out of straws...

It's day 4 and I still have not spent a dime. I think this first week is going to be a breeze. I'm not even feeling any credit card withdraw.... Unless the fact that I am looking forward to going to the eye doctors on Friday just so I can get that feeling of swiping my card and signing the little slip of paper one more time counts. Then maybe I'm feeling it a little.

Right now I think my biggest challenge is getting back to eating healthy. All I have in my house is carbs and ingredients to bake more carbs. Take last night for example. For dinner I ate a box of stuffing. That's it. No meat, no veggies no nothing. Just me and a big ol' plate of stuffing. As I was making the stuffing, I knew it didn't make any sense, but clearly I didn't care enough to stop. Smh... got to do better. Maybe I'll take a page from the book of Rolea and set up a short term goal. Something simple, something attainable,  hmmm.... Ok, here's one. For the rest of this week, I'm just going to drink my shakes. No real food til Saturday. NO EXCEPTIONS!  Damn, in my mind I'm already cheating cause I'm thinking about the change I scrounged up this morning for the vending machine. It's like I've failed before I even started... FML

So what's all this got to do with straws? Nothing really, but I am running out of straws, literally. This morning, when I realized that I was down to my last few, I was trying to decide if I would buy more when I ran out, or is this something I would sacrifice for the sake of this whole exercise in self discipline. Yeah I know it seems insignificant, but it starts with the small things. And that's what this is all really about. It's nice to be able to travel, go out to eat and things like that and know that my bills will still be paid, but it may not always like this. I need to know that if times get hard, I won't have a problem giving up all the extra stuff and just getting back to the basics.  At the same time this is also kind of my punishment for blowing my budget for the past 7 months in a row unnecessarily. Oh well, I'll just suck it up. Nothing lasts for ever.

I might have a problem... (Just one?!)

I actually have several problems, but this one happens to be the flavor of the week. Today is Friday and I have pretty much been sitting in the house ever since I got back from vacation. The reason for that is because I AM BROKE for all intents and purposes. Come Christmas time, there will be no presents for anyone, no traveling home for me and no after Christmas shopping. Gotta take some action now! Operation spend no money needs to be in full effect. Let's recap how that's been going so far....

Yesterday I went to get my oil changed. That's all, no more, no less. Now of course I already knew I needed new breaks cause my car has been screaming like it's being tortured for the past month. To make a long story short they got me for over $250... FAIL!

Ok, that was a necessary evil, I'll take the L but what about every thing else? Like I said, I've been sitting in the house all week for the most part. I figure if I stay in the house, I won't spend money right? WRONG! Online shopping might be my weakness and I swear if the devil were to take the form of a tv station it would be HSN. Buying stuff on line is WAY easy. It's almost like I'm not even really spending money, not until I get that Amex bill that is. Now, maybe someone would say oh just cut up your credit card, then you can't use it.... mmmmm, not so much. I know my credit card number better than my ABC's. It's such a problem that I was at the mail box a couple of days ago and I see the UPS truck coming down the street. I think absolutely nothing of it until she stops in front of my house. The driver gets out and tells me she has a package for me. I'm not sure if I actually had a confused look on my face, but that was definitely the tone of my thoughts at the time. I couldn't even remember what I had ordered! I didn't figure it out until I saw where the pkg came from... smh.

So today starts a new billing cycle. I'm gonna be good for one full month. I have to be cause I'm going to Vegas at the end of August and it would really be a shame if I had no money to spend out there. So Operation Spend No Money is going to be in full effect! No exceptions! Starting..... right after I submit this last order to HSN... No, I mean after I go to Sakura's tonight for Brian's B-day get together... Whew! The devil is busy, Pray for me.

Back in the swing of things

I'll start off by saying that I got my first follower today... YAY!! I'mma try and get the rest of my good friends to start keeping blogs too. Then we can all follow each other so that on the days when we can't have our conference call or someone misses out, they can just read about it later.

So just a quick recap, I've been back from my cruise for almost a week now an have been super antisocial. I can probably count on one hand the number of people I've seen and spoken to outside of work and probably include inside on one hand. But yeah, about that cruise... um, I didn't really want to say it to anyone like for real for real, but I'll say it here. I was right, it was somewhat of a waste of money. At least in the fun department. Yeah it was nice to see everyone and I'm glad that my Grandma had a good time. It was worth it in that respect because usually when that many people get together its for a funeral. But in terms of how much fun I had for the price I paid... um, I think I need a refund. I'd say at least half of the time I was bored. And while being bored that only left 2 things to do, eat an sleep. So I did both and of course I got fat. Now that I'm back I'm not even trying to be on the whole workout/eat right kick that I was on before and I really need to. Motivation is at an all time low. Maybe I'll start tomorrow... maybe.

Damn this ADD, lemme get back to the cruise. It went to 3 places. Key West, Cozumel Mexico and Coco Cay in the bahamas. I didn't do anything at key west except get off the boat and walk around in the heat for about 45 minutes until I was sweating profusely and then get back on the boat. Cozumel I swam with the dolphins and did a lil bit of snorkeling with my cousin Siera. In Coco Cay we pretty much just laid out in the sun all day on floating mats and did a lil bit of snorkeling as well. That was about it tho. The whole trip summed up in like 3 sentences. 1200 bux, gone! I will say tho that the highlight of my trip might have been the night of my grandma's birthday when we all went to the pool party and she was out there dancing. I watched the videos when I got back with Robin, and a couple other ppl and we were all crackin up. Grandma was gettin DOWN with her bad 80 yr old self. I only hope to be that lively when I'm 80. Maybe I'll have a chance if I get my butt back to the gym now 0_o.

 Grandma gettin busy!

New indifference

Ever since I woke up yesterday I've been feeling especially indifferent to some things that I used to care about. It's kind of liberating to let go of bullshit and just be able to not care. That may sound kind of cold, but the kinds of things that I'm talking about are things that I should have never concerned me or occupied my thoughts to begin with. Just stupid stuff. Things that I have no control over and I still let get to me. I'm not going to mention what sparked my new found indifference, but I will say that it was one of those things. And now that I know what I know, I realize that I really don't give a damn about it and a couple other things loosely related to it.

Just for my own personal reference tho, I will say that I txt Farah about it and she had a field day with me. And I'll also say that I now know what Tiffany meant by a half and why halfsies might not really count. I'll have to write more about it in my other blog.

I do hope that this just isn't a phase tho. Knowing me, it's a definite possibility, so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. On the other hand though, I also hope this isn't a slippery slope that I've stumbled onto. Indifference isn't always a good thing.

On another note... So about a week and a half ago I got back from MIA and in 2 weeks I'll be headed to FLL for a cruise with the fam. MIA was cool. I went down there with Farah, Chris and Dave. We had a good time hangin out at the beach, walking the streets and laughing at all the crazy people we encountered. Plenty of alcohol was consumed, but nothing crazy happened. Just good ol' clean fun which is how I like it. Least that's from my perspective. I can't really speak for anyone else since I wasn't with them all 24/7.

Now I got this cruise coming up in two weeks and I'm totally not ready. Not sure when I plan on starting to get ready tho... time is ticking. Don't know how this trip is going to go either. I probably won't have a single drink the entire cruise and I just don't know how much fun it'll be sober the ENTIRE time. I do plan on getting my fair share of snorkeling in though. That might be the one thing that I'm most excited about. I haven't been snorkeling in almost 3 years. Can't wait to post pics. Well since this is all the way off topic I'll end it here.

Headed to the MIA

This weeked is gonna be my very first time going to MIAMI!! WOO WHOO! I'm so excited.... or at least I was a week ago when I bought the ticket. Now I'm just sitting here in the house procrastinating when I'm supposed to be working and doing laundry. I might be a professional procrastinator if there is such a thing. There absolutely no reason why my LAST LOAD of clothes can't be in the wash right now. None what so ever.  Seeing as how I just stated that I guess I'll go throw them in...

(2 min later)

Yeah, that wasn't so hard. Idk why I always leave the lil shit till the last minute. It always makes my life so much harder. It's not like I actually have to physically sit there and wash the clothes. They were already sitting in a pile on the floor, I just needed to turn on the machine and toss them in. I don't get me sometimes.... strike that, most times. Maybe one day I'll start making sense. But anyway back to MIA.

It's gonna be me and my bff staying at the wyndham garden hotel right there on south beach. We are supposed to meet up with our homie Chris on Friday and what happens after that idk what the plan is yet. I suspect that we'll hit up some clubs but for some reason right now I'm really not in the clubbing mood. That needs to change in the next 34 hrs though.

Damnit! These folks are trying to hit up Kon Tiki tonight. I'd so go, but I really gotta pack. Well I guess "technically" I can pack in the morning as long as I know every single thing I'm bringing. But then again, if I know all that isht, then I need to go'n head and just throw it in the bag. Man procrastination is a BITCH!!!

Ok, lemme go do something productive with myself before I end up SOL in MIA.

My New Blog

I'm not really sure why I decided to start a blog. It's not like this is my first one and seeing as how the other two have been pretty much neglected, that is likely the fate of this one as well. Idk if anyone will even read it really... clearly I don't care. Hopefully this won't get me in any trouble either. I'll try to refrain from talking about people specifically and if I do, I won't use any real names - scouts honor.

 Well, thats about it for this post. Nothing going on in my world right now...I'm a liar. Let me rephrase. Nothing happening that I care to comment on right now. That's better. Soooooo, yeah. Ciao!