For shit's sake

That might be my only motivation sometimes... nothing at all. I do shit just for shit's sake. Because I can. Not because I should or shouldn't or even care which. Just cause. I mean why not? Although even if I ask myself that question I can usually come up with at least one reason if not more. Does that stop me? Nope! And sometimes I already know how the story ends before it begins. Why? Cause not only did I read the book, I couldda written it. Been there done that. But does that stop me? Nope! It's like I have to prove myself right, or see if maybe this time for once I could be wrong. Now I think I understand why people don't listen to reason. Yeah they hear it and it makes perfect sense. But it's like, eh... so what. Let's just see how it goes. What's the worst that could happen if I'm right? The exact expected outcome... big whoop, no surprise there right?  It's just another one on the pile. Suck up the L or whatever and keep it moving. On the other hand, what's the best that could happen if I'm wrong? (huh, might be getting somewhere)

Lately I've been feeling kinda bad, sorta guilty about something and I haven't even done anything. Sometimes i wish I were a little more immoral then I wouldn't feel guilt. Like this one time I was in Dillards and I saw this girl stealing. The store clerk was checking me out and this chick just walked past behind her with all these bulges in her clothes cause she had just stuffed her pants in the dressing room. I wanted to say something SO BAD, but that's not me (thou shalt not snitch, the 11th commandment) and wouldda felt bad if I did. But even when I kept my mouth shut I still ended up feeling bad. I actually had to call up one of my friends to make sure I did the right thing. Can't win for losing I tell ya. 

But in this case I feel like I've been here before and I already know what happens. It's like watching the remake of the Karate Kid. Sure the characters are different, but no one is surprised when Jayden kicks butt at the end and wins the tournament. And having this knowledge and sitting back, not doing anything to allow the seemingly inevitable to happen may be what is getting to me. I wonder if just the thought and expectation of a certain outcome is what will make it turn out that way. Isn't that what the Secret is about? Hmmm, might need to read that book next. Ok, so if everything ALWAYS turns out EXACTLY as I suspect, then there really is no point in doing anything right? (this almost feels like progress) If I really truly believe that i'm right and that there isn't an ice cube's chance in hell that I'm wrong then that should be good enough reason when I ask myself "why not?" BUT! If ,on the ever so slim chance that I'm wrong (which is rare, but it happens), and this is one of those stories with an strange twist in the middle that leads to the unpredicted... then what? Ummm... idk. Pffft! see I haven't even got a clue. It's the unknown and I think I might just be a little curious. Is curiosity enough reason for a slim chance tho? Or is just the fact that there is a chance, no matter how slim reason enough? Even if it is, is that my reason? Or is it still just cause? And why am I asking so many questions? Was that just another question? Ok, back to statements... that is all.