PGN connect...

In the last couple of years, I have learned something very important about myself. I have got the illest gut on the planet. By gut, I mean gut feeling. I swear it has never EVER been wrong, EVER. It must be tapped into the Psychic Goon's Network or something cause that mug knows ALL. It may not always know specifics, but it can always tell when something isn't right. Kinda like my own little spidey sense. If I could just learn to listen to it a little better though. It's like trust and believe my gut, but I just have to see for myself. As if I need proof just to make sure it's still working. I can't just take it at its word and keep it moving. The crazy thing is that when the details do finally reveal themselves, it just amazes me at how right was. I just sometimes wish the truth would show itself at the time that gut feeling kicks in. Then my curiosity wouldn't take over. But I don't have control over anyone other myself. I can't make people show me their hand. I can't force anyone to be honest or expect anyone to lay all their cards down on the table even if I ask nicely. I just have to trust that when I feel someone is not being straight up then they probably aren't. If I don't trust someone and I don't know why, there is a reason, it just hasn't come out yet. If a situation seems funny, or things don't add up and I feel something is missing, then it is. That's all there is to it. It's so funny how truth manifests itself though. There were times when I would be in a situation and I used to wonder if I was crazy. Like am I imagining this? I have my gut telling me one thing, and information being give to me (usually by some guy) saying something else. Then maybe weeks or months later I would find out I was right all along...

Real life example time...

I may have told this story before, if so, you'll just have to hear it again. I'll keep it short. I once knew this guy and he seemed cool. Dude had a couple of friends that lived where I was at, so he was gonna come out to visit them and see me as well. I had already told ol boy he wasn't getting any before he came out so just keep that in mind. So this guy comes out and him and his boys go down to mexico or something. He tells me he'll be back on a certain day and then we were gonna hang out. Well he didn't come back when he said he would. In fact he got back with just enough time for him to hang out for a few hours and then catch his plane the next morning. I was kinda upset cause I had made plans and he left me hanging. When I asked him what happened he told me that one of his friends got his wallet stolen and they couldn't get back across the boarder.*side eye*  He went from being someone I thought was cool, to a lying sack of shit in 2.5 seconds. He musta thought I was stupid cause what proof did I have? I wasn't there. I just so happened to know 2 of the ppl he went down there with and they were telling the same story also. So it has to be true right? Well my gut said no, they were all some lying bastards. But I was like ok whatever. This fool stuck to this story for weeks. And eventually we stopped talking. Then one day out of nowhere I get an IM from him just randomly. And in our conversation he actually came clean about what ACTUALLY happened. Basically he didn't come back cause I wasn't gonna let him smash... Really?! ya don't say?!?!?! Clearly this came as no surprise. I already knew he was lying from jump and I suspected that was the reason, but I had no proof. I also didn't have was the balls to call him a liar to his face and tell him that if he had any respect for me, or for him self he would just come clean. But as a woman, when you call a man on his bullshit with no proof, that just makes you look crazy when really you are not. And even when you do have proof, men still like to deny it so what's the point?

You really don't need proof to be right though. That's just for people who don't want to accept that you are. Even then it's not enough. Really the gut feeling is all I should need if people really understood it.. I can't even explain how strong it is. As if its presence is proof in and of itself. There is nothing anyone can say, or do to make me disregard it either. I don't care how much someone denies something, how much evidence there is to the contrary, until that feeling is explained it won't go away because SOMETHING still isn't quite right. I just don't know what it is at the time.  I would say that perhaps it wasn't a good measure if it was ever wrong, but it never is... ever. If that day ever comes then I will know that somebody went on and cut my connection to the psychic goon network and I'll have to call up the leader of the goon squad and see if I can get it reestablished (inside joke)

Until then, I'm going to work on listening to myself a little bit better. I did that today actually. I felt I could trust somebody, and so I just went with it. Was so glad I did because it actually made me feel so much better because it brought some things into perspective. It also helped me to realize that my gut is still functioning, probably better than ever. Just sucks to be right all the time about some things. Like you know something is true, but you just don't want it to be... oh well. se la vi