I just finished writing a blog post, but I didn't post it. While I was actually pretty happy with what I came up with, when I finished I realized that I may be exposing myself just a bit too much. It isn't even something super personal or anything like that. I realized that I I would be revealing one of my HUGE weaknesses. What the hell was I thinking?!?!?! Granted hardly anyone even reads this blog, but then again, you never know. I could have an unknown enemy out there just waiting for the opportunity to insight my demise. Too much? You're right, no one is out to get me. But still, once its out there it's out there, right? This just goes to show that everything that seems like a good idea or harmless at the time, might not always be. So rather than reading about my Achilles heel and my plan to manage it, you are stuck with this post about how you almost got to read it. I'm sure it's just devastating, but you'll get over it, promise.
On another note... A couple of weekends ago I found myself on the not so sunny, partly cloudy, scattered showers shores of Miami, South Beach. I would have to say that this was another successful beach getaway for me this year. I think I was just glad to be out of Tucson and in a place where I'm not completely invisible. I swear things are just so different on the east coast. It makes me wonder what the hell I'm still doing in a place where there is next to no potential. I know I've said I give up. The whole hang up my apron thing. No cooking in the kitchen, blah blah blah. But really I may just be being lazy. I say I've tried, but what have I actually done? Sure I've given ppl a chance who probably less than deserved it, and allowed things to sorta see where they go, but all of that is reactive, not proactive. There is this saying that goes something like "to get what you've never had, you need to do what you've never done" somewhere along those lines. Then there is my whole car theory of want. I've probably told this story before. But back before I had a car, I really wanted a car. I wanted a car so bad I practically starved myself for an entire summer to save up enough money to buy it. For me that is the bar by which I gauge how badly I want something. If I'm not willing to sacrifice for it, then I don't really want it. Period.
I applied this same principle this past week when I went to the Humane society to look at dogs. I saw this one pit there and I swear I just adored him. I even liked his name, Kino. Granted there is a good chance I'm probably allergic to him, but he gave me the "please take me home" eyes. Almost got me, til I sat down and thought about it. What am I going to have to give up to have a dog? Clean carpet? my mornings, afternoons and weekends? having another bill? Was I willing to sacrifice? Do I really want a dog that badly? NOPE! At least not right now. But maybe I'll change my mind. Same thing goes for kids. I don't even half want kids as bad as I wanted a car back then. I just don't. And until I feel that way, I'm perfectly happy with being everyone's favorite auntie.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the whole dating thing. If I really wanted to date somebody I could. So when I say there is no one to date that is an outright lie. It's just how badly do I want it? What am I willing to sacrafice? What is it that I can do that I haven't tried? I basically have 3 options, 1: Be more proactive and expand my pool. B: Settle. III: Move. It's that simple. And when I put it like that, seeing as how it isn't raining men out here like it would be if I lived anywhere else, it becomes clear that I must be happy being single, or at the very least don't want badly enough for anything to change. So single I will stay.
The end.
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