Why do I do this to myself?

I am almost certain that this isn't a good idea. But I figured I'd give it a shot to be supportive. I'm doing this Master Cleanse for a week. It's basically fasting (aka starving yourself) for a week, or however long you choose to do it. It is supposed to be 10 days, but I refuse to give this mug 2 weekends. All I can have is this funky lemonade mixture and that's it. No food, no juice, no nothing. I am going to take vitamins though. I figure there can't be any real significant nutrients in lemonade. Oh and I can have tea and I'm also allowing myself to chew sugar free gum. See I'm cheating already and it's only day 1. It isn't even 9 am yet and I'm ready to quit. I just want some egg whites with cheese, some fruit, fish n shrimp, something! Yup, might don't make it. And it's not even so much that I feel I can't do it. I think it's cause I already know I can so I don't feel the need to prove anything to myself. But I said I would do it, so I will. I have to, cause I said I would. I'mma try really hard not to complain. It's only 7 days right? This will further force me to focus on other things. I can't spend any money and now I can't even eat. All I'll have is my extracurricular activities... crossfit, pole. I said I wanted to work on my hobbies, so now I really have the chance. Think I'll go pull out that scarf I started knitting almost a year ago. Maybe I'll actually finish it.

Probably won't do a day by day like I did with CSD. I can't remember, plus those posts were so uninteresting (kinda like this one). But I will try and post something after the last day just to document how I did and if there were any results.

So today I'm 128lbs. 8 of those need to go in the next 3 weeks. But I been trying to lose those same lbs for the past 3 months. Needless to say I'm not too optimistic. I think I'm bout to give up on losing weight. I hate to be a quitter, but I'm at a point where I don't know what else to do. Kill myself in the gym? That's not maintainable. Probably just need to run more. Especially since I haven't made any progress on those 5 miles. Or the 5 inches for that matter. And we already discussed the 5 lbs being a lost cause. Geez, I sound like such a failure. Seems to be a theme lately... smh.

A'light lemme go do something with myself so I don't sit, sulk and sour on my first work from home day in for ever... ciao