Where's my baby powder?

I might be on the verge of slapping the isht out of someone if they don't stop talking nonsense. If it's a joke, then it might be funny to someone, but not me. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for those type of jokes or whatever. More likely I'm too far like WTF at the comment to even laugh or think in a joking sense, but it's really starting to get annoying. I don't really think it's a joke tho cause I feel like if I were to agree with the nonsense, they would be all for it instead of laughing it off. Clearly any agreement on my behalf would be in jest, but I bet I'd get a text talkin bout where are you like they thought I was serious. Someone once used the term "levels of friendship"... Yeah, I have those. People need to recognize their position and stop trying to jump like 3 and 4 levels. And maybe it's more types of friendship than levels, idk, but I'm highly annoyed.

There are certain types of people that I can only take in small doses for one reason or another. Others I can handle more and then there are the few that I don't really have a limit on. Now I know that the root of my problem ultimately is me. It's always me. I have a problem (well several). I recognize that and I do my best to manage them. But there are some ppl that just make it very difficult.

So let me tell you some of the bull isht this fool said. And let's pretend it is a joke. You tell me if it's funny. Ok, what GROWN person says to another GROWN person, "let's fall asleep on the phone together" !?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!?! WHO SAYS THAT?! Are we in middle school? Are you the boo? (if u were, ,u wouldn't be very long saying isht like that) I don't even think I EVER had anyone come out their mouth and say that to me. Not even in middle school. Who PLANS to fall asleep on the phone? If I'm sleepy I'mma get my ass off the phone and go to bed. BYE! And if I'm really that sleepy, I won't be on the phone to begin with.

Now let's pretend I took that statement as a joke. I'd prolly be like yea, lemme just get my footed pajams on and my teddy bear and I'll be ready. I go to bed and I bet wake up the next morning with 3 missed calls and a couple txt msgs talkin bout what happened.

The latest episode of ridiculousness was when the subject of a movie marathon came up. And to be honest that isn't all the way out of order. A movie night is a fairly reasonable request. Keeping in mind we are 2 grown ass people, this is where it gets unreasonable...  "Bring your clothes" !!!!! ( ( ( o_O ) ) ) !!!!! If that's not a WTF moment, idk what is. Like I said, I do have a problem, so if  I'm the one that is crazy someone please tell me. But I'm not going to premeditate spending the night over ANYONE's house for no reason unless you are the boo, it's a girl's night/slumber party type event or I'm out of town. That's it. And quite frankly even if it was NOT premeditated there would have to be an extenuating circumstance for me to even think about staying. For example, I'm too drunk to drive, or too I'm sleepy and live too far to stay awake for me to make it home

So now tell me. Is it me? Am I being too sensitive? Do I have no sense of humor? Or is this person talking crazy? I'm willing to take part of the blame, I really am. I know I have a problem and I am working on it. But I swear, it can't all be me, just can't be. I refuse to believe. Somebody please let me know.

It's been a while...

See this is just like me. Start something and don't keep up with it. Geez Louise! it's been over  a MONTH! Ok, so what I'mma talk about? Mmmmmm... let's start with what I been up to (this should be quick)... shit. Next! Hehehe, just kidding, but not really. Oh! That's what I did do. I ran an 8K this past Sunday! (clap for me) Yeah, I'm still feelin today. Really didn't think I was gonna run the whole thing. All I kept thinking the whole time was when I was going to start walking. Then as I got further along and kept passing those mile markers, it was I just might be able to make it the whole way. I didn't do it in the time I wanted, but I was pretty close. I think I'm bout to get fat though cause now that the run is over I don't want to work out any more... Might need an intervention. And shout out to my supporters that came out and took some horrific pictures of me, LBizzle and 2ce. If I EVER see those pics posted ANYWHERE we might have to re-evaluate our friendship.... now on to the next one.

I'm sittin here at work, supposed to be working, but I'm chattin it up with one of my friends from school. He just told me that a stripper gave him her phone number. Ummmmm, ok. Not really sure what that means. What does that mean? Is it acceptable to take a stripper's number and actually USE it? And if you do use it, what are you calling for? Seriously. I can understand if you're some grimey ass ninja that doesn't mind infinite amounts of residue on his chicks. And if u callin her for a job, ok. I get that. Now maybe I'm a lil bias cause I have been to the strip club out here with some of my male friends and I can't say that I have ever heard any of them say they would take one home. Can't comment on the caliber of stripper my friend was dealing with, but I mean she's still a stripper. And yes, strippers are people too, but they're still strippers. There are all kinds of stigmas attached to them, but that may be acceptable for some guys.  It might be a state of famine out there for all I know. Could be something like Tucson. I wonder if anyone I know would date a stripper. Actual stripper too, not a former one. And under what conditions, if any? Maybe I can get that as a topic on one of the Upper Echelon shows. Man, this fool just said there is a lot of money in pimpin strippers... LOL. Sounds like he might be looking into a career change. Well if so then I support him, long as he doesn't try to offer me a job. That might be another friendship I'd have to re-evaluate if he did.

Ok, it's quittin time. Ciao 4 now!

An ounce of prevention...

I'll first start off by saying that as far as I know, there really is nothing physically wrong with me (mentally might be another issue, but I'm not going there today). That being said, sometimes I look around and I see people, some friends, some family members who have various types of medical or physical conditions and I wonder if that could be me one day. Whether it be high blood pressure, high cholesterol, over weight, cancer, limited physical ability etc. I ask myself how much of that is preventable? I know they weren't always like that so how did it get all the way there?

I understand that some things are genetic and maybe that is where some of my concern comes from. I have... well had an aunt. My father's sister. She was about my height and weighed easily over 200 lbs. She died in her 40's and was overweight pretty much as far back as I can remember her. Then there is my mother. She was a toothpick when I was growing up. So when I look at the women in my family I feel like physically I probably take more after my father's side and that makes me nervous. I love food (to the point where it's probably a problem)  but I have a fear of getting fat cause I don't wanna die in my 40's.

I think I gain weight about three times faster than I'm able to lose it and I expect that won't get much better the older I get. A couple years ago I was close to 150, the heaviest I had ever been. I was absolutely miserable. None of my clothes fit. I wore the same 2 pair of pants to work every day because I refused to buy anything new in bigger sizes. I got winded going up the stairs. I couldn't say no to anything food. It was pretty bad. Then one day I realized that if I kept going at the rate I was even tho I wasn't fat yet I definitely would be really soon.

Now that I have this mile stone b-day looming over me I'm on this whole prevention kick. Supposedly it's all down hill from here but I'm really hoping that's not true. I have been battling my weight since I was in high school and if the fight were to end today I'd have to say I lose. But I really want to try and get this thing under control by April. So I have a little less than 7 months. I want to say I'm never going back to being 150, but I had said that before the last time I gained weight and got close to 140. Seems like every time I gain a lot of weight I gain more than I did the time before. Definitely not a good pattern to fall into.

I'm trying to set some short term attainable goals for myself. The first one being this 8k in a week and a half. After that maybe I'll try a 10k or perhaps I'll try and do one of those 60 or 90 day type of fitness programs. I'm thinking Chalean Extreme. I have Insanity and P90X and I don't really do either of them. I also need to find a workout buddy cause that would make things soooooo much easier. All the people I have tried to work out with up til now have not been able to stay consistent and I feel that consistency is the most important thing when it comes to working out.

Well we'll see how it goes.

Cherry flavored yogurt covered pretzles

Ever discover something that had been there for a while and wonder why you had never found it before? Makes me wonder what the heck I've been doing all this time. Was right in front of my face, all I had to do was take a look around. Well first I had to go inside and in order for that to happen, I had to change my thinking.... Sounds deeper than it is, or isn't it?

This weekend I was feeling like breaking out the ol crock pot and trying a recipe from one of the cook books that I have collecting dust in my living room. Not real sure how it's gonna come out, but I'mma find out in another 5 hrs or so. At any rate, the recipe called for fennel and I figured the regular grocery store would carry it. I figured wrong.

Near my house there is this sorta alternative type grocery store, least that's how I think of it, called sunflower market. I NEVER shop in there and idk why. I kinda thought it was all wholesome earthy crunchy and couldn't possibly have anything decent that I couldn't get at my regular store. Plus since I'm not a health nut, what do I need to shop there for? But yesterday when I needed some fennel, that was the first place I thought of. Funny that place has been there for YEARS and I have even gone in. But I never really shopped or even took the time to look around.

Yesterday while I was in there I actually stopped and really looked around that place. And not only are their prices reasonable on their produce, but it actually looks BETTER than the produce at the place I normally shop. And they had all kinds of neat stuff like oats in these big barrels that u can scoop out yourself and a little bulk self serve candy/snack section. It kinda reminded me of a combination of 2 places from back home. It had that fresh produce store smell but wasn't dirty looking like the one from home. Then it also sorta looked a little like a whole foods type of store.

But back to the point of this story... While I was in the snack section i saw these  yogurt covered pretzels. some were plain and some were cherry and they also had chocolate. It kinda reminded me of the ones I had at work over in LB's office. So I decided to get some of the cherry flavored yogurt covered ones. It really wasn't what I had gone in there for, but I thought what the heck, why not?

!!!!! WHAT !!!!!! let me tell u those things were soooo tasty i almost made myself sick trying to eat them all. Granted I was starving, but still. They were sweet and salty, creamy and crunchy. They were the perfect snack and just might be my new fav. I never wouldda expected to find such a tasty treat in a place such as that. I was quite surprised and really glad I stopped.

So the moral of the story is just because you see something all the time doesn't mean you know everything it has to offer. Stop and smell the roses. Take time to really take a look around and you just might find some cherry flavored yogurt covered pretzels too!

For shit's sake

That might be my only motivation sometimes... nothing at all. I do shit just for shit's sake. Because I can. Not because I should or shouldn't or even care which. Just cause. I mean why not? Although even if I ask myself that question I can usually come up with at least one reason if not more. Does that stop me? Nope! And sometimes I already know how the story ends before it begins. Why? Cause not only did I read the book, I couldda written it. Been there done that. But does that stop me? Nope! It's like I have to prove myself right, or see if maybe this time for once I could be wrong. Now I think I understand why people don't listen to reason. Yeah they hear it and it makes perfect sense. But it's like, eh... so what. Let's just see how it goes. What's the worst that could happen if I'm right? The exact expected outcome... big whoop, no surprise there right?  It's just another one on the pile. Suck up the L or whatever and keep it moving. On the other hand, what's the best that could happen if I'm wrong? (huh, might be getting somewhere)

Lately I've been feeling kinda bad, sorta guilty about something and I haven't even done anything. Sometimes i wish I were a little more immoral then I wouldn't feel guilt. Like this one time I was in Dillards and I saw this girl stealing. The store clerk was checking me out and this chick just walked past behind her with all these bulges in her clothes cause she had just stuffed her pants in the dressing room. I wanted to say something SO BAD, but that's not me (thou shalt not snitch, the 11th commandment) and wouldda felt bad if I did. But even when I kept my mouth shut I still ended up feeling bad. I actually had to call up one of my friends to make sure I did the right thing. Can't win for losing I tell ya. 

But in this case I feel like I've been here before and I already know what happens. It's like watching the remake of the Karate Kid. Sure the characters are different, but no one is surprised when Jayden kicks butt at the end and wins the tournament. And having this knowledge and sitting back, not doing anything to allow the seemingly inevitable to happen may be what is getting to me. I wonder if just the thought and expectation of a certain outcome is what will make it turn out that way. Isn't that what the Secret is about? Hmmm, might need to read that book next. Ok, so if everything ALWAYS turns out EXACTLY as I suspect, then there really is no point in doing anything right? (this almost feels like progress) If I really truly believe that i'm right and that there isn't an ice cube's chance in hell that I'm wrong then that should be good enough reason when I ask myself "why not?" BUT! If ,on the ever so slim chance that I'm wrong (which is rare, but it happens), and this is one of those stories with an strange twist in the middle that leads to the unpredicted... then what? Ummm... idk. Pffft! see I haven't even got a clue. It's the unknown and I think I might just be a little curious. Is curiosity enough reason for a slim chance tho? Or is just the fact that there is a chance, no matter how slim reason enough? Even if it is, is that my reason? Or is it still just cause? And why am I asking so many questions? Was that just another question? Ok, back to statements... that is all.

Not getting any younger.

It seems like the harder I try to get in shape the harder it is to work out. Not even on some, will I make it to the gym or have the motivation to work out, type of hard. More like, will my knees hold out til the end of this run or if I get down on this floor, will I be able to get back up on my own. WHEW! I just don't know what to do. I was good not too long ago and now all of a sudden I'm falling apart. I'm thinking, maybe I need to take a break. But a break might be how I got here in the first place.

Yesterday was the first day of this 8k in 8 weeks group that I joined. They had us running two sets of 10 minute jogs with a 3 min rest in between. I had a feeling that I would be bringing up the rear but I didn't think I wouldn't even be able to run the entire 20 minutes. Part of it may be my fault cause I forgot my knee straps. And part of the problem could be that LB and I ran pretty hard on Saturday. Every other day jogging might be a bit much.

It shouldn't be though. I was watching tv on Sunday and they had his show on about the IronMan. That might be the ultimate triathlon. A 2 mile swim and 120+ mile bike followed by a full marathon run. So I'm sitting on my fat ass, in my living room, on the couch feeling like poor me, I can't run. All the while in front of me on tv they have 79 yr olds, biggest losers and even a dude with NO LEGS doing the iron man!!! So what's my excuse now and why am I complaining? Exactly. Even in the 8k group there is a girl with a limp because she has one leg that's smaller than the other. She out jogged me. Probably didn't even break a sweat. It's crazy cause I feel like 2 months ago I was in so much better shape. I just don't know what happened.

I do know that I'm not getting any younger. Not working out really isn't an option. Neither is eating a whole bunch of junk. Got to do better if I wanna be able to keep up.

On a side note and completely unrelated subject. I made pizza this weekend. Got the idea from LB. It actually came out pretty decent and I didn't even have to cook anything. All I had to do was buy some dough and toppings. Then put it all together with some Prego and throw it on the grill. Will definitely be trying that one again.

two down, two to go

It has been a rough two weeks. Rough in the sense that I have not been able to buy anything other than food and gas and it's KILLING me! My only reprieve has been a couple of loop holes that I have found in the system. And thank God for them. Had to pat myself on the back for these too. It was almost like I won something. So the first one was about a week ago. I was out shopping (more like browsing since I couldn't buy anything) with LBizzle. She was looking for some new running shoes. I needed some too because I had, on impulse, bought these really crappy ones prior to going on vacation and they tore the back of my foot up to the point I couldn't even wear shoes that went around my ankle. Anywho, we're up in Performance Footwear and she's looking at these running shoes. I'm thinking, I really want some too, maybe I'll just get fitted and then when I can spend money I'll come back and get them. So I find these sneakers I like and not only were they super comfy, but they were ON SALE!! CRAP! I can't pass up a deal on something I NEED! That just wouldn't make sense. But when the girl told me how much the sneakers were I almost did a happy dance right there in the store. They were the EXACT same price as the crappy sneakers I had purchased 3 weeks earlier. I say almost cause I wasn't sure if I'd be able to return the other sneakers since I had already worn them. Here's hoping.. *swipes Amex*. Surely the next day I was over at Famous Footwear taking those pieces of crap back. I think I prayed right before hand too. It worked! Ok, now it's happy dance time....

So yeah, I bought some brand new running shoes and didn't spend a dime *pats self on back*. The second event happened this weekend. Now this wasn't something that I needed, more so wanted for a while and just couldn't convince myself to spend the $50 on it. Since I wasn't buying stuff or going out to eat and all that, I had been super bored the past couple weekends. Especially since my so called 'friend' who I thought was gonna call me to kick it didn't even so much as shoot me a text or answer my phone calls the weekend before. I decided to play my wii since that was free  and I really didn't have isht else to do but read or watch tv and I already had enough of that. Problem though... no batteries in the remotes, no batteries in the house. Frick on a stick! Then I remembered I had gotten a gift certificate to Wallyworld for my birthday that I never spent. For some reason I had it in my head that it had maybe $25 on it. That's cool, get some batteries for the wii and some 9v's for my chirping smoke detector and I'll be straight. I get to the register and hand over the gift certificate. Total came to $27 and change. As I'm reaching in my wallet to get out an extra $2 I look up at the display and it doesn't say that I owe anything (??!!??!?!?). The girl hands me the card back and tells me I have $72 left!!!! In my head I could hear RSVP belt out PROVIIIIIDER!! I shall not want I tell ya. I left there doing happy dance number 2 trying to think how I'mma spend my new found wealth. Was like I had just hit the lotto. Didn't know what to do with myself.

The very next day I was back up in Wallyworld over in the video game section where I see Mario Kart. Hmmm, don't mind if I do! Mighta been kickin my heels as I left. I really can't say that I wasn't. Now I say all this to say what? Well I've learned a few things. 1.) I love free, but not as much as I like new stuff. Doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't even have to be expensive. I just like new things. Could be the A.D.D. in me, I don't know. But to get new stuff for free might be the best thing ever. 2. ) a lot of the little things that I spend money on are so unnecessary. If I would just stop and think about what I'm buying, and compare that with how much I've already spend and take into consideration other things I want to do, I just might leave it in the store. 3.) eating out all the time is a HUGE waste of money. I already knew this, but I was just acting like I didn't. 4.) I can save a lot of money by not drinking.I plan on sticking to my no liquor til vegas kick. I have made an exception for wine tho. Long as it's stuff I already have in the house.

I'm not gonna sit here and act like I have changed my ways and done a complete 180. But I am definitely going to do better after this last two weeks of punishment is over. 13 days to go!